To celebrate, I went to see a dermatologist for the first time in 7 years. I sat shivering there on the examination table when the doctor walked in. She looked at my skin and she looked shocked. I don’t like it when dermatologist looks shocked. “Oh my, do you have scabies?” Noooo? “Lupus?” I don’t know. “And you are HOW many months pregnant?” She was a bit more at ease when I told her that I have had eczema all my life, and went on prescribing steroid creams (which was to be expected) and saying that there wasn’t much she could do for me before the baby was born but then we could zap the inflammation right up with some good meds. Aaah, how comforting, only another 4 months to go.
My eczema has been getting progressively worse over 1 ½ years, so that moderate eczema covers pretty much all of my body these days. Just a year ago, I was still okay enough to feel good about soaking in hot springs with my close friends, and year and a half ago I was still doing a local burlesque show after having masked a couple of rashy spots. This summer I sported long sleeves for most of the summer because my arms look like I’m a long-term drug addict (no offense for all iv drug users out there, I just don’t want to identify with you).
I really miss feeling comfortable in my skin.
I still perform with my fire spinning troupe since I can cover anything I don’t want to reveal, but I had to not do the burlesque show, and worst of all, eczema has had a big impact on my personal exercise and skills practice. It’s not easy to hit the gym before work after a long, sleepless night of itchiness, hurting skin, and emotional anguish. No, I wake up feeling tired already and lots of mornings my skin is just so painful that even thinking about working up a sweat seems completely insane.
Yes, my eczema has flared up for good and I might as well accept that I’m going to live with Itch for a while again so I might as well stop being in denial and hiding. Instead, want to increase my sense of control and well-being despite of this painful and emotionally scarring condition and hopefully connect with awesome people who struggle with chronic skin diseases and still manage to live full lives. Also, I’m not completely without hope that I might (again) find healing and this blog is going to be a good place to trace setbacks and successes along the way.
PERSONAL GOALS:
- Have a clear face and decollete area for the Halloween show (only one week and I’m flaring!!).
- To find effective treatments for eczema: Hopefully not only to manage with it but to improve it.
- To have a better body-esteem WITH eczema.
- To get my object manipulation practice back.
- To be “out” with my eczema and advocate for people with skin conditions.
Dancing With Eczema 